A Little Disconnected

I will get back into it, they say
I’ll be like “somebody” in a romantic comedy and that will clean up my past.
If I am brain deep in a picture show, I cannot feel the actors around me pissing and fucking on the stage.

I’ll post a youtube video documenting myself, even though I feel, I’m not worth the time it took to upload it.
I’ll post on facebook about my bad karma, my new outside shell, and the relationships I keep like kids sports medals.

I’m going to start singing, dancing, acting and enjoying life like my friend so and so in a foreign country does,
I’ll blog about my feelings until somebody cares about what I think about what I think,

When really we only need one particular person to care,
a broken dad
a loser mom
an extra lover
a cheater
a dead brother

our personal pain, need and conviction breathed life into dirt, to become a human reason for attention
and here I am writing this as if someone I knew should read this
To them, Have you seen this?

I’ll text my best imitation of myself to you if you don’t get me right away
and ask you if you think you did the right thing?

What was your grade on the test of parenthood
did you do your best like you wanted from me?

Am I as perfect as you were asking me to be as perfect as you needed yourself to be?
Teach me those lessons now.
Draw from what you can digitally receive because my friends care too much or too little to be my new childhood
and now the hated personality I’ve created is surrounded within the expectant, desperate confines of blue and white.
Waiting for someone to like my digital re-presentation,
the definite 1’s and 0’s minus the concrete mistakes.

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